What I Feel.
Rachel,
Let me first start by tell you that I don’t know how this week was for you. I don’t know how much you missed me, or if you had a good time. I hope you enjoyed yourself because it would be really sad if you went through the same hell that I went through. I missed you so much. Works can’t explain how painful it was for me.
I went very quickly from missing you to sad. The fact was that you didn’t give me any time, and I can’t understand why. Can you honestly tell me that we talked enough this week? It made me cry thinking about going to bed without hearing your voice. You couldn’t find two minutes every night to call me and tell me you love me. I can’t imagine treating you the same way for any cause.
I quickly moved from sadness to anger for the way you were neglecting our relationship. You also hit me hard with your convictions which you didn’t have time to talk to me about, and kept teasing me about your tattoo and nose ring. Last night I asked for you to call me and you again couldn’t until 11:38pm. What were you doing that was so important that you couldn’t take thirty seconds and call me? How could it not have occurred to you that it would upset me? Today I thought things might be different and that you would talk to me. No such luck. I called you to tell you about my meeting and you ignored me three times. I turned off my phone for the rest of the day.
All that said, I love you dearly and miss you so. I wanted to call you all day, but wanted you to miss me too. I’m still mad at you, but we can talk things out. Remember that I’ve been upset all week and you haven’t given me the time to work it out. We need to talk this out now that your back.
Your Branden
I miss you so much.
Rachel my love,
I don’t like this. I miss you too much. Your being away is so difficult for me. Since the day you left I’ve felt lost and without motivation. I’m lethargic and without enjoyment. Please come home soon. I am so dependent on you that I don’t know what to do or where to go. I need to hold you, and feel your caress. I need to look upon you with awe. Every time I see your face I want to cry. You have become my every reason, and that is so difficult to replace. Nothing I can do while you are away, makes me feel a tenth of what I feel for you. I gain so much pleasure just laying by yours side, I melt. I need that, I need that again soon.
I wait on you with bated breath.
Your Branden
My sorrow filled apology.
Rachel,
Yesterday I did something horrible to you, I intentionally hurt you. There is something in me that wanted to hurt you, because of a build up of my feelings. My feelings don’t always make sense. As a woman I expect you can empathize. Please don’t be sad, or feel mistrustful of me. I love you. When I saw you crying I instantly wanted to make it better, I wanted to hold you and take your pain away. I wish I could take it back. I pray that you haven’t hardened your heart to me, and that I haven’t tarnished your love for me.
I betrayed your trust by hurting you, I have no excuses. I only have my selfish heart to blame. I don’t always know what I want, but this affair has reminded me that I do want you. I love you Rachel.
Yours,
Branden
I can’t believe I let you go.
My love,
I miss you! I need you so much. I desire my precious Rachel. My heart aches with regret for not being with you for every breath you take. Not being with you sadens me and I must have relief. Your being away weighs upon my heart. I so miss, holding your hand; the way your hair tickles my face when I hold you; the way hugging you makes me want to close my eyes; the way your soft skin feals on my fingers; the way you smile at me. I miss doing things to please you, and the way you wait for me. There are so many things about you that I can not live without.
I love you baby, hurry home to me.
Your love,
Branden
You’ve been waiting:-)
You can keep me forever. I’ve been trying to find something to say to you. That I love you just doesn’t seem enough. When I’m with you my day goes so much better, when I hear your voice I smile. You brighten my life and I pray that I do the same for you. Finding the time to write to you has been difficult lately, but a problem I should have overcome well before now. I miss you now, and forever.
Your love,
Branden
Change in me.
Rachel,
You have asked me before, if I think you are trying to change me. I always answer no, and this is still true, but you have changed me. You have changed me for the better, and that is how it has to be for us to be a couple. To be your other half, I must fit you, and you me. You have had an enormous impact on my life and I wouldn’t have it any other way. If my life hadn’t changed any with you then my life would still be without hope or happiness. You answer my every need and I strive to do the same for you.
I love you baby girl,
Branden
This is so difficult.
Rachel,
This week has been very difficult on me. I know that our future is directly dependent upon my ability to provide for us. If we don’t make sacrifices now, later, money will surely become an issue in our marriage. I need to get school out of the way. I don’t want to be at class or studying, but I must, and I will always need your help. I will always need your strength, and your encouragement to see me through.
I hope you are not crying as you read this, as that is not my goal. I merely needed to express to you, that I know you are going through this with me, and that as a team we can achieve our final goal… marriage.
I love you Rachel.
Sincerely,
Branden.
My oppoligies
Rachel,
I love you babe and I am sorry for ever taking you for granted. You are so beautiful, so caring, and so fun I should never fail to remind you everyday.
Your Love,
Branden
Good moring my love:-)
Rachel,
I loved hearing your voice this morning. I feel kind of nervous about the new term starting today, I don’t know if I’m overloading myself. Please pray for me. I can’t wait to see you again tonight. I love you so much.
Your love,
Branden
I love you Rachel:-)
Today is my first blog entry to you, I hope to make this a habit.
